thank you all.
believe it or not if does me some good reading these replies.
especially what you had to say Angelox, thats hard man. my babies were important to me before, but now its like it tripled and i cant get enough time with them. cant bear the thought of losing them. so sorry man.
anyways, not all bad. mom was really sick for the last 6 years. began with congestive heart failure, compounded with diabetes which led to kidney failure, which led to being 90% wheelchair bound and never ending dialisys(sp??) treatments. but she kept her mind the whole way! which is what was most important about her. considering she began in 1946 growing up on a Union, South Carolina cotten mill hill. put herself through college and eventually attained a PHD and many other educational accredations. ( she taught high school & college for over 30 years.) ive been getting told alot that "shes in a better place now, shes not in constant pain anymore, she was ready to go." very true statements but for the last,(though im not really religious) i have this weird mental image of her arguing with some heavenly being while stomping her foot and demanding to go back so she can be with her babies!
though she achieved much in her life she still managed to raise two children and was the anchor of the entire family after her own parents died. just lil weird fact, she actually was in the running at one point for the teacher spot on the space shuttle challenger many years ago!
she ultimately chose not to pursue it, though i cant really say how much chance she would have had anyways.
My three year old took it very well. shes just too young to grasp the pain though she does understand. heh she really wants to play EQ! im trying to teach her but she cant quite handle the mouse yet. she can target pretty well but her hands small and clickings difficult for her. been letting her loose on some MSpaint docs and taught her how to select her colors from the palete. she'll be a lil gamer eventually!
thanks guys, your words have truely helped a bit.