[merb]

Thanks guys, I never even gave that a thought :P

Switched it to look like this:

sub EVENT_SAY {

 if ($text=~/hail/i) {
   quest::say("Halt! It would not be wise to venture further alone. If you would like to hire one of my men to assist you, that could be arranged, for a [price].");
 }
 if ($text=~/price/i) {
   quest::say("A hefty sum of platinum will earn you my finest soldier; one thousand should do just fine.");
 }
}

sub EVENT_ITEM {

 if ($platinum==1000) {
   $client->MakePet(null, elfsoldier, "an elven soldier");
 }
}

Works like a charm!