I know a patcher can be setup, and I think there may be a link to download one from sourceforge somewhere. I have never messed with it personally. Running a public server, you couldn't use a patcher, and really if you are just sending the spells file, a simple link for players to download it should be simple enough. Most people just host the file on their website and link the website in the MOTD for players to reference.
Using a patcher to send EQ files may be considered illegal, especially if you send certain files like eqgame.exe, zone files and probably most other files that aren't just plain text.
If you are planning to allow players play publicly on your server, you are better off just setting up a public server so you don't have to mess with mini-login stuff. As of right now, I am not aware of any good public alternative to the public login server. It sounds like you are wanting to setup something similar to what Shards of Dalaya uses. They aren't affiliated with the EQEmu project, so you may be able to find out more about that from their website.
There may be alternates to the current public login server eventually, but other than mini-login, I don't think there are any other options right now.
I only use public login, so I can't really be of much help in anything other than that. Though, maybe some of the private server admins can be of more assistance.
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