I accually made a MySQL server on each computer thinking it was a client issue but both clients work. I gave static ips to each of my computers and set it up with the proper ip addresses in the config files for the server. when it didn't work I did the same on my wifes computer.
at first I thought it was a client problem but I now have a server made on each computer and each computer can log into its respective server but not into the other. I tried turning the firewalls off but still nothing.
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