Ab3n,
the "tombstone" message is when you "con" a mob which essentially means that you get an idea of how strong the npc is. When you see the red text, it means that you should probably not attack that npc. If they scowl at you, then they're probably going to attack you!
A suggestion for you might be to play on PEQ for a little while to get used to the game dynamics before you take the big time wasting task of server development. PEQ is the closest to EverQuest live that you're going to get and I think it will help you figure out the game enough to create your own server some day. While you're leveling and learning the game, brush up on some MySQL tutorials. Also try to learn basic programming with C++. This will start you on the road to understanding the structure of EQEMU.
Here are some useful links for you:
http://dev.mysql.com/tech-resources/...sql_intro.html
http://cpp-tutorial.cpp4u.com/
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