I have those same problems when I try to connect to any server (I get stuck on character selection screen). I guess my problem is with vista 64 then. I tried runfirst to run eq on a single core but it didn't work at all.
Right now I'm trying to get my own server working. I am using R486 eqemu with all the lastest database and changes available on the svn.
I tried titanium but it was even worst than secrets of faydwer. At least with sof I get to the character selection screen but I get stuck there

.
I dont have any problems with any game except eq.
I have this line in my dbg.txt and I really dont know what it means
[Thu May 14 21:41:04 2009]00073:Failed to open C:\Program Files (x86)\Sony\EverQuest\GlobalDRK_chr.s3d.
Is that file even supposed to exist? I didn't have it in my fresh sof install.
thanks for your help