So sad i cant enjoy working on my server anymore. it breaks my heart

[Astal]

I used to host or develop The Years of trees server a few years ago. Until something happened in my life. I wasnt able to feel any joy doing the things I love. I love working on games and developing them but I cant do it anymore.

Im currently addicted to pain meds, because of my chronic headaches, and health problems (yeah its to the point i cant stand living because every day im pretty much sick unless i got pain meds in my system) it was like that before i started taking them. The main reason i started taking them because i was so sick and they made me feel better.

Before you say anything ive been to countless doctors and they never did anything to help so i said fuck it, i guess ill just take what works instead of killing myself.

Well now im trying to control my meds and take them like im supposed to but its hard when i have such a huge tolerance and it takes 3x my dose to take care of my severe migraines, chills, sweats, pain, aches, fatigue, ahedonia ect....

I wish things could go back to the way they were when I worked on my server but I dont think they will. Its sad really, Im glad i still have my database so maybe there is hope.

I dunno if this ever happened to anyone else, but man there are days I just want to give up and die instead of fighting everyday....

It sucks so if anyone knows any good doctors or anything lemme know im from PA. Just looking for a way to fix my shit.

Pretty sure my adrenal glands are close to fried also :(

Man i miss EQ emu

[devn00b]

Man up Smoke some weed, will make you happy and no pills.

[Uleat]

That's a hard one to live with. You really need friends and family right now. Hopefully, you have this in our life and they are understanding.

If you find that people around you aren't sympathetic, don't take it personally. Most people won't understand what you're going through
until they go through it themselves.

I went through something similar some time ago and it cost me my military career. I too, was ignored by the doctors. Seems they
'always know right,' even when they don't know anything.

I've seen over 50 doctors, both in and out of the military. They always want to diagnose you right here and now, with their word being final...

You still have drive and emotion - use it to keep you going until you find that one person who will listen and help you. Sometimes it takes
a new direction to get on the right path..as in non-medical.


EDIT: puff-puff-pass man!