I've always felt pretty similar erzengelb. I was actually a GM on Gates of Norrath for quite a while, working on creating custom content but keeping it non-legit as well. The guy running the server has run into some pretty big real life issues of which I won't get into, but I haven't heard from him in quite a while either. I noticed that one day the server went down and I haven't seen it up since. I also felt like I was limited into what I could do for the server since I was not the lead GM.
I've been working on my own server now after I finally got it to work. I've tried about 5 times in the past but could never get a server to run, and had a hard time finding help. Techguys' guide did work for me, and I've been working on my own server. Like I said, I think we feel the same about EQ, and a lot of the other servers. My idea is to allow people to instantly get level 70, that way players don't have to worry about any level gaps and not being able to group with somebody. I also want players to be able to buy some pretty uber gear for free from the merchants in the starting zone. But the main thing I'm focusing on is having a story behind the server, and every custom quest I've been creating have good reason, and good rewards. So you can start out lvl 70 with really nice gear, but then there is much more progression you can do from there, solo, group, or raid. The gear better than the start gear would be all custom made, as well as many spells. Mainly I'm creating something that I, myself, would enjoy and love to play.
Like you said, it is a game after all, and the point is to have fun. We all have fun in different ways. When I played live, I played for 7 years, and since I've moved to eqemu it feels a lot easier on me personally. The servers I used to play on EQemu, I felt like I could pick up, or put down the game at any time. The best part is it's free =) I hope you can find something that you will enjoy and have fun playing it, whatever it may be. I'm not going to advertise, but have you tried out any other emulated games? The one's I've tried have been much more unstable and buggy than EQemu. Which I feel EQemu is getting fairly stable now. I also remember when I started playing EQ in 1999, the feeling I got whenever I played, the involvement in the world around me, I feel like EQ lost that shortly after PoP, and a lot of the new stuff just didn't seem like the good ol' eq. I'm hoping to bring that back with a big kick thrown in the mix. I would suggest at least checking back from time to time and see any changes, maybe try out some other servers and see what they have to offer, you never know whats in the works
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