Alright here, i'll help you.
#1 - Patch to newest, then never patch after that, if you cannot log in, then patch another day and another day and another day till eventually you hit a patch # that works with at least 1 server. Then never patch again.
#2 - Follow this oh so obvious link to a webpage that should answer the last of your questions...
http://humme.dk/eqemu/playguide.html
And, remember to next time to post in off topic, drama center, or just look at the GLOBAL ANNOUNCEMENT POSTS!