You also have to take into affect how many hops it is from you to your friend. Just as a reference, my Comcast connection in Virginia has no problems hosting around a dozen or more people at once. I have people connecting from Connecticut all the way to California and hardly anyone get a connection to the server slower than 75ms. This is using the in game network stats tool, which we all know isn't the most accurate, but it gives you a general idea. Just to compare, a buddy connects to my server at 50ms, and to Sony's server at almost 100ms. My comcast connection is great while my server is still in closed beta, but when I open it up I'll have to move it to the Datacenter I work at.
It may not be your upload speed, but how close you and your friend are to a backbone connection, individually. There are of course other factors involved, but this might give you some more info about this.
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