I think there is actually a fundamental problem with what's happening when an NPC is charmed (which has symptoms like not bringing up the pet window, for example); the charmed NPC is not acting like a pet except to the extent that it responds to its master being damaged, and to certain pet commands.
For example:
F1 will not target the pet, but F8 will (it should not target friendly targets).
I'm not sure what implementation would look like... especially because I'm no where near the level of getting into the very impressive coding that the entire EQEmu team has put together. But it seems that charms need to actually change the type of creature to a pet of the caster, and communicate that the change has occurred to the client.
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