Since you are able to connect at all means it is probably something simple causing your Everquest issues. Check with the server admins for the server you were playing on and make sure they allow multiple people to login from the same ip address. Usually when that type of error occurs the first person logged in will get kicked off when the second person logs in. However that doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t react differently sometimes.
The modem resetting is an entirely separate issue. Sounds like you have some hardware/software issues you might want to track down before playing EQ. An internet connection loop probably would not reset your modem it would just cause your internet usage to react funny. Modem resets usually occur because of defective hardware, defective cabling or your ISP telling it to reset.
The accept/decline bs you referred to is called User Access Control (UAC) and it can be turned off in the User Accounts section of the control panel. The UAC will not cause your hardware issue but it could cause your connection issue with Everquest. Also make sure Everquest is being run with administrative privileges and is not being blocked by a firewall.
I would suggest getting rid of Vista 32-bit as it is known for having issues and it is also holding the laptop back on performance. Get Vista x64 or Windows 7 x64 either of which will run considerably smoother.
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