I guess I would start with your eqhost.txt file on both your PC and your sons. Be sure you arnt just connecting to 'localhost'. If you are you will need to change that. (This could be why all you see is your server)
As far as a private server, im not 100% sure on how to set it up correctly, But the round about way would be to go into your accounts table with navicat.
Add their accounts into that table manualy, and set their access to 255.
Then when you launch your world (if it were set to public) #lock when you enter the game, it will keep other people out except those with the proper access.
Just be sure to check your eqhost.txt and your server .XML file, and change it to the proper IP. If you have more questions, keep us updated.
Apoc.
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